The Wait Begins

It's been three weeks since I started the agent querying process for my latest novel, and I'm reminded of how terrible I am at waiting. I've only ever dabbled with querying agents in the past and always ended up self-publishing, but because I'm at a new stage of my journey, it's important for me to try my hand at connecting with an agent and publishing traditionally again. Traditional publication isn't something I NEED to feel validated, but it certainly is a goal of mine. For various reasons, it feels like the next step for me, and I just hope that I'm ready and that this is my time. In the end, if it's not, I will self-publish with just as much pride as I did the first five times.

When it comes to writing a novel, you can sometimes fall under the false impression that it doesn't count unless you're picked up traditionally. Self-publication has a certain stigma about it. "Well, anyone can be self-published. It doesn't have to be good." Then there's the fact that self-publication requires much more personal investment as well. Not everyone has that kind of time or insight. "I can write a book, but can I really market it?!" But the fact is, if you wrote a 60,000-100,000+ word novel to completion, than that alone is something few people can say they've done. That alone is a huge achievement, and no lack of outside acknowledgement can take that away from you.

For me self-publication has always come down to one thing, "No one is going to stop me from being able to hold my book in my hands." But, self-publication is usually option number two for me. I've queried twice before (for "Volition" and for "The Wanderer,") albeit being a novice and far from ready (in hindsight.) I hate waiting to be able to hold my book in my hands, but I'm willing to hold off if it means I have a chance to reach more readers. After all, so much of the joy of writing comes from connecting with readers and sharing a story that you created and love like a child.

I have compiled a list of some really promising agents for my book, but one in particular stood out to me. A woman whom I felt connected to enough from the start to query alone. Until I hear back from her, however, the process is halted. This is the first time that I've ever gotten past the query stage, she asked for the full book. Which for me is a huge victory. And a big indicator of how NOT ready I had been in the past for traditional publication. Which, of course, by now I already knew. And while I hope that she loves it and connects with my story and my characters, if it's not meant to be, than it's not meant to be.

I hope to break through this particular wall of my journey this time around, but the fact is, it may not happen, and that's something I've absolutely made peace with. It will be hard of course to end the process with no interested agents, if that's my fate, but literary agents get thousands of letters every month, and they only take on 3-10 new authors a year. Breaking out as an author is like breaking out as a musician or an actor. The stars really need to align in addition to being at your best when you make that first impression.

I don't know how loud or widespread my voice will end up being when all is said and done, but I hope to use it in these moments to inspire other authors and people taking risks with their art to make a dream come true. I may fall a million times, but I'll get up a million and one. All success takes is not giving up, and through all of the trial and tribulation and waiting, I'll be more ready than I was before for everything that awaits me on the other side.